Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Category: Romance, Angst
Series/Sequel: Breaking the Ice
Summary: Is it possible to be happy after all?
Warnings: Slash, M/M
Disclaimer: I don´t own them but I love them dearly.
Feedback: Yes, please. It´s the icing on my cake.
Released: October 2008
"I love you."
"What?" Greg breathed, aghast.
"You heard me pretty well," Gil replied from the other side of the room.
"I don´t believe you."
"It´s true, silly boy."
"I´m not a boy."
"It´s just a figure of speech. I know you´re not."
"Why did you tell me now?" Greg snapped. Gil´s confession made him even angrier.
"Why?" Gil barked. "My God. Why? Because I know it´s true."
"It won´t change anything," Greg replied harshly.
"That´s okay. I didn´t tell you to make you like me better. I told you because I needed you to know. That´s all."
Greg stared at the ceiling. His inner turmoil was beyond imagination. "How did he die?"
"You know who?"
"It was a car accident." Really? Was it an accident considering he was intoxicated? Didn´t he crash into this pole on purpose? Didn´t he kill himself because we had this stupid fight? Because of me?
"I´m sorry." Greg felt stupid. Jeez, I was jealous of a dead guy.
"It was a long time ago." I don´t know if he tried to kill himself. I´ll never know. It´s a secret Mark took to his grave for good. It´s his lifetime revenge to make me never forget.
"So what? It doesn´t matter that he´s dead. Fact is, you still love him." I even envy a dead man. How pathetic am I?
"I certainly did love him very much," Gil corrected softly. "My heart was broken the day he died."
Greg tried to stay angry but compassion won him over.
"But one day this heart of mine began to heal by one unexpected event."
"What was it?" Greg asked curiously, forgetting about his anger.
"What it was?" Gil smiled with genuine warmth. "A crazy young boy came to the lab and turned my world upside down."
Greg trembled in sweetest agony. "That´s a lie."
"I didn´t look for love but I fell for this boy so quickly it scared the hell out of me."
"Don´t do that," Greg pleaded weakly.
"Don´t do what?"
"Make me want you again."
"I know you don´t mean it."
"I mean it. I couldn´t get you out of my head. I couldn´t be happy without you. I tried but I didn´t succeed. I want you back for good."
Greg gave a desperate sigh. "Gil..."
"I thought I knew it all but I was wrong. I loved Mark but I love you more because you like the same things I do."
"Please what?" Gil whispered eagerly, shifting around, ready to make a move.
"Please, don´t push me." Greg swallowed nervously. Don´t let him come over and touch me. Don´t let him win me over so easily. Please don´t.
"I understand." Gil pulled back and sighed. "Not tonight. I give you time to think about it." The next second, he switched the light off. "Let´s get some sleep."
In the silence that followed, Greg tried to go to sleep but couldn´t. Gil´s confession had hit him like a rock. He loves me. He´d never said it before. He wants me. Why aren´t I in his arms right now? Making love. That´s what I came here for, isn´t it? That´s all I want. That´s all I´ve ever wanted. Being close to him. Being with him. Being his. The sheets in the other bed rustled. Greg winced and peeked. Is he...? Does he dare...? I know I couldn´t. Not that I did not want to. His arousal was painfully but stayed unminded. Will I never learn from my mistakes? I was hurting for so long. Do I want to go through this hell again? Do I? Do I? Oh crap! I do! He scrabbled about the small sofa, making a lot of noise.
Gil didn´t complain, he stayed mute.
Damn you! Greg swore silently, turning around and around, and around, until, at last, he fell into a restless slumber.
In the morning, they didn´t mind each other, until they came into the hotel lobby, until they were surrounded by people. Safe from each other. Once more, they bumped into Carl Morris.
Greg started to scurry off, but Gil pulled Greg by the arm to come closer. "Morning, Carl."
"Morning, Gil," his friend greeted, slightly baffled by Gil´s cheeriness.
"Long story short: You were right. That´s Greg. The man I love."
Greg startled in Gil´s firm grip. Is he truly up to following this through?
"That´s more like it, Gil." Carl beamed. "Your mother will be very happy."
"Don´t you dare tell her. I have to do this myself." Gil glared at him.
"No worries. I won´t." He nodded at Greg. "Would you and Greg like to have dinner with me?"
"Certainly," Gil agreed courteously.
"Fine. See you later." Satisfied with himself, Carl walked away.
"Tell your mother what?" Greg asked shyly.
"That I have a new boyfriend."
Greg didn´t comment. He was smitten by sensations. Like in trance, he made it through the day. He didn´t remember much what was going on around him, not the seminars they visited, or the people they talked too. The only thing, he remembered for sure was Gil´s steady presence. His sight. His voice. His scent. In the evening, when they met with Carl for dinner, he was already beyond being horny. Slowly, he chewed his food and drank of lot of wine. His head started spinning. Feeling Gil´s knee pushing against his under the table made him squirm around like a trapped bug. He longed for the privacy of their room. He longed for release. He longed for Gil.
Gil, on the other hand, ate a huge dinner, laughed a lot, and appeared not in the slightest nervous or excited. Obviously, he had everything and everyone under control. "That´s enough," he said eventually and put Greg´s glass away.
"I´m not a child," Greg slurred angrily.
"I know," Gil whispered, amused. "Oh boy, do I know." He put his hand on Greg´s knee, stroking it gently. Greg flinched and pushed his fork off the table. Swearing, he bent down to get it.
"Easy. Don´t be so nervous," Gil murmured, soothing.
Greg felt like it was his first time. He felt like a boy. That´s how love is, isn´t it?
Carl didn´t act like he had noticed anything, showing his good manners.
Greg continued eating and listening to Gil´s and Carl´s conversation. Mostly they talked about bugs and old times. But not one word about Mark. Finally, Greg´s torture was over. They greeted Carl goodnight and went up to their room. They were alone. The empty, big bed greeted Greg mockingly. Gil´s declaration of love polluted the atmosphere, and Greg could hardly breathe. Right this second, his cell began to ring. He almost jumped out of his skin. "Shit." He fumbled it out of his pocket and looked at the display. "Sorry, but I have to take this."
"Is it Nick?" Gil dropped into a chair.
"No. It´s Dennis."
"Dennis Epson. The boy, whose brother drowned."
"I see." Gil frowned slightly. "Go on then. Don´t let him wait."
Greg accepted the call. "Hi, Dennis. How´s it going?" He listened intently, while he felt Gil´s smoldering anger. It was obvious, he didn´t like the idea that he was still in contact with the relative of a victim of a former investigation. A very young, handsome and gay relative. His concerns were pretty fast forgotten when he heard what Dennis had to tell him. "Oh, Dennis. That´s wonderful. I´m so happy for you."
Gil shifted in his chair.
"Sadly, I´m not in Vegas right now, and also I have...company."
Gil fetched his glasses and started to clean them, pretending not to listen. But Greg knew, he did listen to every tiny word. "Is it alright if we´ll talk this through in a couple of days?" Dennis´ answer made him blush. "Yes. You guessed right. It´s a shame I´m that obvious."
Gil rubbed the glasses intensely.
"Say hi to Scotty for me. Bye." Greg switched the phone off and put it on the bedside table.
"So? What´s going on?" Gil asked casually, but the fierce polishing of his glasses betrayed him.
"Something great. Dennis had told his parents that he is gay."
"Ah, good for him," Gil said sourly. "Did he call to let you know he´s available?"
"Are you crazy? He just turned sixteen!"
"The same age you were when you slept with Alan."
"I´m not Alan," Greg snapped, offended.
Surprisingly, Gil backed down. "I know."
They looked in each other´s eyes. A minute passed without a word spoken. One agonizing minute, until Greg couldn´t bear Gil´s stare any longer and was ready to make a move. He got beaten by the second.
"Do you want to play a game of chess?" Gil put his glasses on.
"Now?" Greg pretended to yawn. "I´m pretty tired."
"Let´s raise the stakes. What about strip-chess?"
"Funny." Greg took a step towards the bathroom.
"It was Mark who taught me. Certainly I always won."
Mark! Greg scowled. "You are kidding, right?"
"No, I´m serious." Gil fetched the chessboard he kept for traveling from his suitcase. "Intrigued?"
"Are you afraid?"
Greg snorted. "Is this a joke?"
"So you are?"
"Why should I? I´ve already beaten you."
"I don´t have to prove myself to you. Not anymore."
"I know." Casually, Gil put up the board and the chess pieces. "Just to pass the time. It´s too early to go to sleep."
Greg cocked his head and eyed him closely. Sleep? Is he truly thinking about going to sleep? Is he trying to kill me?
Gil sat down again. "Come on, CSI. Show me what you´re made of."
Gil shrugged and opened the play by moving one pawn forward.
For seconds, Greg mused on and then he dropped into the chair opposite to Gil´s. "Alright." He moved his horse in a rash decision.
Gil smiled. "Do you think that wise, CSI?"
"Wait and see," Greg murmured smugly.
Gil stared at the board, considering his next move.
"How did this work anyway?"
"For every chess piece you loose you have to strip a piece of clothe."
"Don´t count on it."
Gil sent a second pawn into battle. "We´ll see."
"I know all your moves." Greg fielded his other horse.
An hour later, the board was almost empty and Greg naked but for his shorts. Gil´s dead-pan face didn´t show any feeling. He wore his shorts and both socks. "Checkmate."
Greg looked at him and stood up. Slowly, he slid his shorts down. "You won," he said simply.
"I see." Gil enjoyed the view of Greg´s erected cock. "Do I get a prize?" He put his glasses away.
"If you want one?"
Gil pulled his socks off. "I want you."
"You already had me."
"I can´t get enough of you. I won´t get ever enough." Gil stepped close and kissed him briefly. "I don´t want to be lonely anymore." The second kiss was as brief as the first one. "I don´t care about anyone but us anymore." The third kiss wasn´t any different. The kiss for a kid.
Greg restrained himself to return the generous endearments. Not yet. "Don´t you dare to play me for a sucker again. I swear I´ll make you pay."
Gil chuckled. "I can´t hardly wait to find out how."
"I mean it!"
His laughter stilled. "I know." His look turned dead serious.
He gifted Greg´s face with more kisses.
"Kiss me for real," Greg complained, and tore at Gil´s shorts. "Take that off."
"Is my boy unhappy with the way I kiss?" Gil smirked. "Does he want more?"
"I´m not a...."
Gil cut him off with a kiss which was certainly a real kiss. The kiss was as breathtaking as it was tender and caring. Greg gave up. He surrendered to Gil in every sense. He returned the kiss with body and soul.
"Whew!" Gil murmured. "That´s a kiss."
"Says who?" he provoked him, glowing.
"You talk too much. But I´m used to that." Gil pulled him forward and they ended where they both wanted to be. In bed. Clinging to each other in desperate need for warmth and satisfaction. They made love softly and slowly. Never before it had been this intimate. Gil didn´t hold back anymore and Greg welcomed him gratefully. Their first climax was beyond satisfying. Their second was an epiphany.
"Oh Gil..." Greg panted, helpless, "oh...you...it´s too much...I can´t...please..."
"You can...dearest...boy," Gil replied, as breathless as his love. "You will...until I know, you´re completely satisfied." Gently, he squeezed Greg´s balls. "Do you understand?"
"Ah...yes...oh yes...I love..."
"...me fucking you, right?" He suckled the balls.
"Oh God...YES!" Greg wriggled into him.
"That´s a good boy," Gil mumbled in between eating him up.
"Yes...master..." he gasped, having little breath left for anything but explicit sounds.
Later - much later - Greg snuggled into Gil´s arms. "This is heaven."
"Don´t exaggerate," Gil teased, still out of breath.
"I´m not," he disagreed firmly. "I just cannot imagine I would be feeling any better in a place which is called heaven."
"Mmh," Gil murmured, ready to fall asleep. "I´m too tired to fight you on this."
"Good." Greg put his head on Gil´s shoulder. He waited for Gil to drift off to sleep. He waited to find his courage. He waited a long time. "I love you, too."
Gil turned around, surprisingly alert. "I thought you proved that greatly in the last hour."
Greg felt tricked. "Cheat!"
"Look who´s talking." Gil held him safely.
"I don´t know..."
"Sure you do." He caressed Greg´s ear. "One more reason why I love you so very much." His tongue tickled the ear. "It´s unbearable how much I love you."
Greg stilled. He had nothing left to complain about. Who could have had anything to complain about after such a heartbreaking confession? Was there anyone on the whole planet? He didn´t think so.
The next morning, they flew back to Las Vegas. This time they talked a lot on the flight. They were perfectly happy. At their arrival they drove straight to the lab. There, they separated to take care of their business.
Gil found Catherine sitting in his office, doing paperwork. She always took advantage of his absence like this, because her own office was so small.
"Having a rough weekend?" she teased good-naturedly. "You look a little bit ruffled. Was it worth it?"
A stunning smile lit Gil´s face. "Yes."
"Good. I´m glad you were able to work things out."
"Me too." Gil sighed. "That was the easy part."
"What do you mean?"
"Now I have to beard the lion in his den before I change my mind."
Minutes later, he knocked at the door of his co-worker. "Conrad, I need to talk to you."
"What can I do for you?" Ecklie was at once in high spirits.
"I want you to assign Catherine to supervise Greg and to do his evaluations."
"So? Why is that, Gil?"
"Greg is my boyfriend," he confessed hastily.
"Is he?" Conrad didn´t hide his utter amusement.
Gil stayed calm. "I see you´re not surprised."
"Surprised?" Conrad mocked him. "I only wondered how long it would take you to have finally the courage to give up the truth."
Gil´s lips twitched. "It´s done. Today is the day."
"Good." Conrad fetched a couple of papers. "I´m happy for you."
"Why shouldn´t I, Gil?" He shook his head. "Do you think I hate you?"
"Of course not."
"Your private matters are not my business. Only the work of your team concerns me." He handed him the papers. "Fill this out."
"Thank you." Gil took the papers and headed for the door.
"Oh, Gil?" Conrad purred sweet and sickly.
"Yes?" Gil knew he wouldn´t get away this easily. Give it to me. I can take it.
"Is there already a date set for the wedding?"
"Sorry, no." He kept a straight face and hurried away. Phew! And this was only the beginning. What have I brought up on us?
At the same time, Greg found Nick in the garage. "Hey, I´m back."
"I already heard by the noise you were making on your way here." Nick hugged him dearly. "How does it go?"
"Exactly as planned. Well, except for the strip-chess."
"Gil wanted to play strip-chess." Greg laughed at Nick´s priceless expression. "I know, it´s hard to believe."
Greg sniggered guilefully. "Would you believe I lost on purpose just to get into my lover´s bed?"
Nick joined his laughter. "I would have liked to see that."
Greg laughed harder. "No way."
"Are you happy?"
Nick patted his shoulder. "See, I told you it would be easy."
"Easy?" Greg grimaced. "It wasn´t easy, not at all."
"But it was worth the effort, right?"
"Utterly," Greg cheered.
"How´s the boss?"
Shortly after, Gil´s office was crowded with people. Everyone who was important to him or Greg had arrived to celebrate with them. Catherine opened a bottle of champagne. The stopper went off with a loud pop. She filled the first glasses. "Gil Grissom, the new people person. Everything is possible now."
"Don´t you have the feeling that things will never be the same again?" Michael joined the teasing.
"I´m afraid so," Brass agreed, while he sipped cautiously from his drink. Remember. Just one glass.
"I congratulate both of you," Hodges cheered wholeheartedly. "Finally grown-up."
"I wish you more luck than I had," Warrick said without envy.
"You jumped into a relationship without thinking," Catherine corrected him friendly. "They don´t."
Dr. Robbins arrived at last. "What´s the occasion?"
"Greg and Grissom are moving in together."
"So?" Robbins replied coolly. "It was about time."
They burst out laughing.
"Close your mouth, Gil," Robbins said with a wink in his eye.
"Well, it wasn´t that big of a secret," Brass said dryly.
Gil rolled his eyes. "It´s nice to know I have such good friends."
Greg knocked his glass of champagne down. "Imagine, in a few hours, I´ll bring over my toothbrush and my underwear".
"You won´t need any underwear, Greggo," Gil teased and leaned into him.
"Oh please," Brass snorted. "Not so many details."
In their happiness, they didn´t notice the two people who weren´t happy at all. Alan had pulled himself a chair in a corner. Sipping listless from his champagne, he grimaced disgruntled. But he recovered amazingly quickly when Michael strolled over and started talking to him. Well! The other unhappy person, who was truly broken-hearted, vanished out of the room as soon as possible. Only Nick noticed and followed her.
He found Sara alone in the break room. "Hey."
She smiled sadly at him.
"You wanna go out for a drink?" Nick felt his heart move to his stomach. "Just to talk to a friend?" For a long time she just looked at him. Nick was sure she would say no. She had always said no.
"Okay," she declared flatly.
"Come on then," Nick replied lightly, hiding his surprise. They left seconds later, and weren´t even missed by the rest of the party. Such a shame!
The autopsy room was empty. They had come to the one place where they could be alone for a little while. The bodies in the boxes wouldn´t mind.
"I can´t believe, you´re finally that cool about us," Greg praised his lover.
"Life is a fragile thing and way too short to worry about unimportant stuff." Gil drew him into an embrace. "Are you ready to make waves?"
"What do you mean?"
"Meeting my mom."
Greg coughed, slightly hysterical. "I don´t think these waves are big enough to match the ones my mother will make."
"You wanna bet?"
"I'd love too." Greg snuggled closer. "My mother don´t even know I´m gay."
Gil frowned fiercely. "This is a joke, right?"
"No. I never dared to tell her." Greg flashed him a shy smile. "Since my father died in a sailing accident, when I was twelve, I´m the only one she has left."
"You...are..." Gil gasped, shaking his head in disbelief.
"I told Papa and Mama Olaf."
Greg prevented further lecturing by kissing Gil thoroughly.
The room went perfectly still.
A minute later, someone pushed the doors open, but they didn´t stop kissing. It just didn´t matter anymore.
"Ah. There you are. I was looking all over for you." Sheriff Rory Atwater sounded downright satisfied with himself. "Working things out, I see."
In high spirits, Greg turned around. "Sure, we do. As a perfect match, you know, we owe it to science."
to be continued in the conclusion:
GRASSHOPPERS IN CHOCOLATE